having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
