The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Shame is for Republicans.
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