You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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