I'm gonna have a badass scar
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You can't special order awesome
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do vagina's smell?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
