i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
