Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize