ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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