everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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