I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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