She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
