Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
