im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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