Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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