Just fell off a train. Bad.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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