ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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