One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize