So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
