I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Are we still banned from the library?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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