the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
