You work out of a Hotel?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize