I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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