he thought i was a dude.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
