mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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