Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
