I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
