i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
