I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
nutella sex= disaster
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
