2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize