gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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