Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
