If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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