Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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