let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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