dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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