So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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