one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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