I heard we made out
My room smells like vodka and shame
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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