Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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