I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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