i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
