in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
