I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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