His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
These tits shall not be calmed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
