ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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