I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
In America we eat man semen.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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