Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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