so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
