My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
