so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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