Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize