Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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