i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
