i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
