So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
