peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
