I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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