My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
please come you make the beer taste better
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
