Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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