Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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