We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
