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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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