So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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