who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
