i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
