The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
