Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
