I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
