My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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