I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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