Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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