A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
